oh, it went well.

it made me realize something: it's been so long since i've had comments that got me churning. i've been more or less writing in a vacuum cleaner for awhile. inside a dusty full baggy, without comments that made me re-see.

one of the critique panelists told me she wished she could have seen earlier drafts. i got the impression she thinks my drafting procedure might sometimes mess stuff up, which is true. very true.

but the outside perspective of someone who might see where i'm trying to go but haven't figured out yet, was amazing. it made me realize that i need to find those people who can get me moving in directions i haven't come up with on my own. i'm so damn stubborn that i often end up rejecting commentary. it's not that i'm not open, but that the openings i make must make sense to me, and so few people's comments make sense to me.

a few comments here made bright sense--particularly Beth Nugent's frank bzzts. she's funny because she'd give a compliment or something like that, and then she'd be like "oh, and this place, ugh. i didn't want to read it. it sounded like something i've already read. i'm not making any sense, you can ignore me. but here's why i thought it was weak:..."

the overall gist was that sometimes my language stalls out when i'm writing about moments of stasis. another comment that was interesting: that i describe landscapes and areas with more creative oomph than i do with people. And one that i didn't expect: i might be more self-conscious, or have a more self-conscious narrator, than i do (i thought the narrator was overly self-conscious). And then the idea that if i'm organizing the way i am (using nautical charts as a means of locating the relationship of semi-seperate narratives/momentitos), then i might try to mimic the feel of the currents and motion of moving from x-space to y-space... a little gimmicky, but it might change the writing in a way that builds a feeling of relation. all intriguing ideas.

anyhow, it made me realize i have more work cut out for me than i was hoping for, but i reckon that's okay, as long as it's directed rather than the aimless self-motivated and rationalized wandering i've been doing with that piece.