n. infantile pattern of suckle-swallow movement in which the tongue is placed between incisor teeth or between alveolar ridges during initial stage of swallowing (if persistent can lead to various dental abnormalities) v. [content removed due to Bush campaign to clean up the internet] n. act of nyah-nyah v. pursuing with relentless abandon the need to masticate and thrust the world into every bodily incarnation in order to transform it, via the act of salivation, into nutritive agency

Wednesday, July 04, 2007

if it was so beautiful

...which it was... then why do i feel so vulnerable?

trip to matthieson
trip to matthieson
trip to matthieson
trip to matthieson
trip to matthieson
last weekend i went to a state park with mn... 2 hours out of chicago: it was wonderful, all the way through.

but... i am feeling weird right now about everything, and have only a few clues as to why.

i wake up in the night feeling nervous, i rose at 5:30 this morning, on edge, flittery of thought.
I think it might be that wooshy feeling... but since I'm not there to grill you I will just have to make an assumption that I am right.
well, woosh = um, yeah.

but it's more than that. yep. as i've discovered. we're both strange incomplete creatures trying to figure ourselves out first. and sometimes the figuring-out is so solitary that the gap between configuration and connection gives a hard heartache.

ms. woosh and i discussed this, in a sense (as much as one is able having only known a person for a coupla weeks, seriously). it felt good to actually discuss with someone and not simply be told. that said, we are not dating or together or making out or falling headlong, but i guess something else, which is foreign hopeful/maybe-not, and will require more limbo than i've dealt with before.

i don't know anything but that she's worth it, i'm worth it, and the whole world falters, stutters, makes us different.

the fireflies have been splendid, like little shoots of green air from the lawn.

ahh... limbo. I've been there before (in fact I'm sort of there right now). Not always pleasant, but necessary.
yup, limbo.

but having had a coupla days in it so far, i actually like it. the idea of taking the time to become, no matter what the becoming results in, instead of leaping, as is, right into the center of a tangle, well, it feels pretty free.

i'm pretty happy these days, and more relaxed than i've been in awhile.
Post a Comment