n. infantile pattern of suckle-swallow movement in which the tongue is placed between incisor teeth or between alveolar ridges during initial stage of swallowing (if persistent can lead to various dental abnormalities) v. [content removed due to Bush campaign to clean up the internet] n. act of nyah-nyah v. pursuing with relentless abandon the need to masticate and thrust the world into every bodily incarnation in order to transform it, via the act of salivation, into nutritive agency

Thursday, November 01, 2007

nose to nose with the gorilla

Pumpkins07Hey, so there was a Halloween, now wasn't there.

And in the past, I've insisted on having a pumpkin-carving party because... well, because the holiday has always been my favorite but somewhere along the way got hijacked by memory into a moment spent sculpting seeds, speaking reluctantly of exes, and breaking redwine glasses while making out and falling in love. Yeah, somewhere along the way.

But this was the first halloween I've felt okay about just let be, because damn, that was so very long ago.

I had two potential parties to go to, and a large deadline looming that's mostly catered by my own imperatives. So, I spent yesterday working on a the illustrator project, and watching the people pass by from the balcony, even a little girl dressed up as some form of insect, maybe Siproeta stelenes, although I couldn't swear from an expert's standpoint.

So, it was a good day. And the night before, lh and I worked on a collaborative pumpkin, which gained dimension by c2 asking about the parameters of our collaboration, which, as it turned out was rather open, and completely based on 1. knife speech, and 2. the desire to make whatever looks rather okay.

Trust me, it was a funny conversation because there was initially some kind of assumption that a competition was in place between our two endeavors, but really, it turned out that I was only trying to rise to the occasion brought about by working with someone I adore. Which lo', isn't competition, just expressed happiness to have someone else working on jack-o-lanterns with you. And 'oh, the whole endeavor was very nice, yep, very nice.

And I also got to talk to my best friend, which felt like heavenliness itself, on Halloween the Day.

Because it sucks when the one person in the world (besides my mum and sister) who keeps me sane, and healthy, and feeling worthlike, doesn't have a phone.

All I can say is that I really have never appreciated technology until now, when someone I need can't be in my life to sasstalk and whine and hope and disregard impediments with. It really makes me wonder about the basics in life. (Little Roar, because I wish it were simpler). And how did conversation with this this friend become, well, not just inspiration, but basic sustenance?

We really just don't know about life, do we.

And although I did not take part of the halloween revelry other than to enjoy the apply pie c2 made (when I woke up, it smelled like heaven had exploded and left residual traces in my apartment), I did get to spend a very trippy Friday party night with lh, where I dressed up like some skanky version of a Navy Officer With Capitals. Except I got to wear my rubber boots, and it was raining, so I actually felt like I was home.

Home = Rubber Boots.

Halloween07 Flip-LegHere is a good pic of lh, who dressed up, as I told him, as an Armenian Disco-Hopper, and myself (I was holding the tiger flashlight that roars whenever you click it on because a fuse had blown and knocked out kitchen, bathroom, bedrooms, and dining room, and it was better to wield a tiger than to actually get it fixed, although we did get it fixed, somewhere in the middle of the party)

[oh, and I look like a dope, um yeah (wish I had subscript)].

But back to some kind of point (it's roving, I know), that party was fucking trippy! Have you ever felt like people moved from whatever room you were in? Have you ever felt like 1/2 of your hostesses were tripping on acid, and the other 1/2 were drunk on whiskey and as not bad, sigh, and the rest of the folks were composed of heterogenous 30-somethings not willing to send themselves out onto any kind of limb to meet you?

I had a very brief conversation, drunk of course, where I met a person teaching with the Chicago City Schools, and I mentioned that I was going to apply for a Comp job with them (enthusiastically and nerdily), and within the next 30 seconds this woman had not just cut off our conversation, but moved on to talking to someone else about when she got tenure. But she started her next sentence with: "When I got tenure, (something something not particularly interesting or pertinent)." Within 30 seconds of me saying I'm going to apply, drunkenly like a dork trying to start a conversation as a Nerd... well, of course, since it's a party...

Dude, talk about a) making me feel like a dumbass, and b) woah, take your tenure out of your ass and have some kind of conversation with your surroundings. It's contradictory, I know. And I'm all weirded out by professionalism.

But I'm allowed to do that, right?... because I do not have tenure and somehow doubt I ever will. And the least I can do is make heyall with those who do, for snubbingishtrippylike someone at a very small, odd halloween party with very meandering conversations, not enough dancing (lh and I put on mj, and alternated between Thriller and hanging out on the hosts' awesome flowered porches).

And of course, I would think it was just me, thinking how odd and full of unnecessary tensions the party was, but lh concurred on the whole deal. And I sighed with relief because without my tri-weekly conversations with d'buddy, I think everything I see is suspect.

Without confirmation, really, we all could very well be crazy.

Thank god I've got the folks I do.

And so, I'm off to write from a character-I-really-like's perspective (I just finished writing a short story from the perspective of someone who seems too.. um, haw, hrrr, errr,... whiny). But this new character's very funny, and I'm pleased to have earned my way towards her view.

Oh, and I bought a book from Akashic Books... The Musical Illusionist by Alex Rose, and I was thrilled to my teethbones to discover that he uses as many images as I would like to use. It's very pretty, and so far, he's partially won my heart by starting with a too-serious discussion of Time, so I will have to report about that as well.


oh, and since this is Halloween (The Day of Thanks):

thanks to M-Lady for her awesome music mix, which I've listened to twice today, 1.5x yesterday, etc and through the past.

and to c2 for apple pie, putting up with too much, and saying I have "some real mojo" when I was fretting about whatever is coming next.

and to kx, for not getting injured in her car accident. friends, seriously: no more car accidents.

blah blah blush. boo!


oh, and the title of this entry is because I had the most intense dream of pressing my nose right up to a gorilla's.

The context was odd, as it involved skiing and some-projected-me-not-me, who had just broken an engagement, and as such, was encouraged to date outside of the established patterns. Which involved her/me pressing her nose up to a gorilla's as he looked straight to her soul and informed her of his Intentions.

The pine marten was next in line...
thank you for the little shout. jus' happy to be alive and straining for an hour of actual REM sleep. the muscle relaxant just made me hallucinate crazy kaleidoscope shapes and animal faces, like i had gone and snorted up hunter s. thompson. currently planning on visiting doctor for referral to physical therapy.

i was looking at something i wrote a few weeks before all this happened, and it means more to me now than i ever thought possible:

what is reality but a mere set of responses to conditions that we believe to be true?

(su)shi you soon, hopefully-
well, load up on crazy hallucinations and get better with you and your achey muscles.

you know how I told you that you were number 3 of my friends to be in car accidents with totaled cars in the past 6 months? No, I just realized that you're number 4. That's flippin' insane.

and yeah, reality. I've taken to using the word actuality just because it makes more sense to me.

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