--Oh yeah I guess, folks manipulate you soon as they got a chance.

--Yep. There should be a class, just to teach you how to not fall for all that shit.

--In this country, we’re especially stupid about that.

--Well, it’s ‘cause they set us up for it. I mean, nobody talked to me about how someone out there can just walk up and take that thing, that whatever thing it is you value the most, and then just start using it for something you never saw coming.

Maybe at first, you get a little flattered, or you think someone’s just trying to meet you on your own ground, trying to interact with you. They mention that thing, they talk about it and thrum the stuff you care about. Then before long, you want to know what they think. And that’s it, they control a part of you, the part that values that something. One minute they’re telling you you’re good at such and such, oh you demonstrate skill. The next minute, they’re telling you something to make you feel like shit. And they have the power to affect you with that because they found that thing you care about. Then before too long, you start hearing all their complements as condescension or a move to control you again, to get back on the in, if you tore yourself away somehow. If you said no, you can’t keep manipulating me for some end I can’t put my finger on.

Strange how as soon as you see it, it seems so obvious and hollow, and you’re just ashamed you ever trusted such flattery and tricks. But then you start doubting what everyone says, why they’re saying it, what they’re after.

They want a leg up? Use your resources, like maybe you wouldn’t mind helping if they just came out and asked, but no, they’re working you instead. Or maybe they’re after your acknowledgement. They want you to say… that person over there, they made me what I am today. So they can feel all proud of themselves, pat themselves on the back. Or who knows, maybe they want something else.

All you know is that it’s a teeth-grinding world out there, and people always after something. It’s a rare moment when you find someone who only wants you to be what is inside you to be, what you have your own vision for. I mean, folks who help you actualize your own voice instead of what they think your voice is.

I think that’s why I’m so damn stubborn these days, don’t share too much of my work, or what I’m shooting for, because I don’t want anyone to bend it again. That’s one of my resolutions, you know. Nobody will ever again use my writing to get to a part of me, to manipulate my perceptions of the world. I’ll just keep that part of me that thinks writing is the only reason to live.

--Hmmm, that’s not the only form of manipulation though: flattery. Fear is one of the biggest.

--Yeah, I guess so. But I’m not a coward. I take risks, always going to act on what it is I value.

I’ll help any person in the world, any last one, with their work. Tell them what I think, give away ideas for free. All my time, you know, and if they don’t like my suggestions, I won’t get my feeling hurt either. I’ve learned a lot from teaching, you just toss almost your whole heart out there and give it away, never ask for nothing back. And that’s the right way, as long as you keep that something you need to survive and keep it tucked away, percolation working spitting, not safe exactly because you gotta put your values up front too, but… rooted, rooted in something tough, I guess is what I’m trying to say.

But there’s such an awful lot of cowards out there, mistaking rooted and safe and risk and stupidity and trust and acceptance and passion and drama and I don’t know what. They keep their values inside until they rot, and take risks like cliff leaps where they’re gonna kill something, who knows what. Or they just sit up at home and tuck themselves in, invest in terrorism equipment and bottles of water.

I guess, I’d just rather be stabbed than go around worrying about a person with a knife, I guess.

--Yeah, fear is the biggest big business right now, manipulating it. Don’t know how all these folks falling for it. How Americans, who have everything in the world, come to be the biggest group of pussies ever. But you know what the worst is?

--What?

--When you realize you’re the one manipulating.

--Hmmmm. Yeah. Hard to figure that one out I guess. How to keep tabs on when you’re interacting and helping, and when you’re manipulating.

Lots of stuff in this life involves manipulating. Some of it’s the stuff of survival. Some just plain steps over the edge. Yeah, hard to figure.

Guess one of the best ways of stopping that is just never to want anything for myself. Hard to see when that’s acceptance though and when it’s despair.