tonight the 4am subway ride. and then home.

what I think:

1) I like honesty. clarification, the saving of, a notification of future and present, a sense of. what things mean, not to be confused of what they could mean or what comes filtered and wished.

1b) I hate honesty. Too many layers of. Too many elements. How do words translate? And how do they translate into motion? How many things can mean at once? How are we to understand truth?

2) I like hope. Feels likes somethings coming towards you.

2b) I hate hope. Until it's not.

3) I like articulation. Landed, it's like someone who was hovering has finally found a spot.

3b) I hate articulation. Very concrete, but still incomplete.

4) I like taking things slow. Too much in the world is fast, it impales you, it pushes in your face, swallows you, tries to eat you whole and take you to the very belly of for digestion. It lands like a bomb. Taking things slow is an exercise in breathing.

4b) I hate taking things slow. Existence is stasis, white noise rubs the underbelly. Plus, nothing is slow, it is just fast in different directions and sometimes so fast it appears slow, which will catch you deceptively.

5) I am a bit of a dumbass.

5b) This is okay. I am the Fool and the Fool is too wise for their own life.

now I'm off to clean floors, to make a call and get someone to take the room so I don't have to pay rent. and I am going home. and it will be beautiful because this is something I'm ready for: beauty.