n. infantile pattern of suckle-swallow movement in which the tongue is placed between incisor teeth or between alveolar ridges during initial stage of swallowing (if persistent can lead to various dental abnormalities) v. [content removed due to Bush campaign to clean up the internet] n. act of nyah-nyah v. pursuing with relentless abandon the need to masticate and thrust the world into every bodily incarnation in order to transform it, via the act of salivation, into nutritive agency

Friday, June 15, 2007

the challenge faces me

my back is still on its way out from this job as cashier - all the up down, bending over, lifting and sifting, and sometimes i think it's going to stop, right there, and every single one of my vertebrae is going to hop out of its spot on the column and i won't be able to work, won't be able to enjoy the summer, won't be able to go fishing. i'm really worried about being in shape for fishing.

i keep thinking i need to quit this job, even though i've hardly saved anything after my new-camera purchase, but health comes first, right?

so, other than the money, why don't i quit?

well, it all comes down to a big crush: there's a wooooman in annuals who i just can't get over feeling light-headed about every time she passes by. i make google-eyes and blush, i can't help myself. i shiver if she touches my shoulder. i get shit-eating grins and spend my evenings strategizing ways of stealing a few seconds out of the mad-nursery rush to chat with her. and finally, we're actually talking... in fact, she hunts me down from time to time. so, give me another week or two and i might get up the nerves to ask her out.

basically, i'm not quitting this job and am thus putting my back at risk because i want to glance at someone once or twice an hour as she moves around the flowers with the sun on her back. jeeesh.
forget health! it's all about the wooshy feeeling...

wooshy = good.

Just load up on the advil and pray.
advil = check.
prayer = check (really embarassing, but true).

[p.s. she gave me a ride home--four blocks--today. i was too giddy to ask her up to my balcony, plus worried about the state of my dishes (atrocious).

also, what does one do when the person you really really like is far too cute for you, i mean, like really super cute to the point that you think about all the weight you've put on, your back being crap, the zits and sweat you're hauling along, etc etc. i.e. is it possible to date someone hotter than you?]
stop! You are cute!

I know it's hard but just don't think about it too much. You have a great personality and I don't mean that in the regular "great personality way...

go for it! I have to live vicariously through someone...
and not just a a great personality...
girl! come on. i would spot you from across the room, except that you'd be too busy looking away or down or around... damn. if i thought so, i know i am not ( nor was) the only one.

i feel like i should be blushing now 'cause it seems like i was batting my eyelashes for some good, sweet esteem boosting. okay, i'm not too proud... i needed it.

she's coming over tomorrow. granted, with others from work, but i invited her and i got some good chatting in today. she picked out a flower for me to buy (i wanted that type, but she found the best one for me... she came over from her spot to help me out). plus i taped up her leaking potting soil bag (try to make that into something naughty).

everyone at work is teasing me, i'm that obvious, plus they're all gossip-hounds. it's a bit like being back in jr. high: Andy, the recent high-school graduate, flaming gay-emo smartie, wants to teach me how to swoon and sweep my hand down my neck a little more dramaticly when she's around me. Andrea, the catches-all-my-most-embarassing-moments girl, alternates being laughing at me and setting up gatherings and pointedly inviting us both. Jackie laughs constantly and asks me every five minutes what the scoop is. Annie, scrapper-kid, comes up, high-fives, leans in and says, "so..." like i'm supposed to know what that means.

all in all, i'm a little afraid that my personal and darling little crush has been co-opted and if it goes nowhere, everyone i've met in the last five months is going to be shaking their heads, back towards me.

wish i wasn't so obvious a blusher when i like someone, but i guess it has its advantages, like multiple people strategizing instead of me (bad love strategizer), and disadvantages, like jinxing the mojo.

i was going to say: ask her out. but it seems that's been covered.
so i say good luck, god speed and, erm, good gracious?
well, i haven't exactly asked her out, but i did ask her over to a gathering and that's a good place to step back into reality and see what's up, hopefully.

good gracious indeed.

and thanks for the luck.
I think I'm going to cry with all this love and support going on around here... makes me want to ask out someone out.....

go for it. find someone soon. then ask him out.

i'm on the countdown 'til the gathering. (dramatic sigh and arm to the brow, worthy of Andy's respect).

writing until then. cheers.
bugger me.

after a hopeful text message, she was a no show, etc.

i'm headin' outa town for the day tomorrow so's to not forget that life is something larger than my dramatic whatever.

or maybe everything's just a stooge. haha. ha.

wish that something, anyfuckingthing, would happen sometime, anytime.
No show doesn't neccessarily mean "no-go" with that woman...it may just mean that she couldn't make it for whatever reason.

But one thing is for sure, you're good enough, you're smart enough, and dog-gone it, people like you-lots of lovely people like YOU!

Don't fret too much woman, something will happen one way or another and likely, multiple things all at once.
yeah, yeah. somehow, "you're good enough, you're smart enough" makes me nervous. :)

i feel better now... retreating a little bit from wishes too big for their britches.

oh well.
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