n. infantile pattern of suckle-swallow movement in which the tongue is placed between incisor teeth or between alveolar ridges during initial stage of swallowing (if persistent can lead to various dental abnormalities) v. [content removed due to Bush campaign to clean up the internet] n. act of nyah-nyah v. pursuing with relentless abandon the need to masticate and thrust the world into every bodily incarnation in order to transform it, via the act of salivation, into nutritive agency

Tuesday, November 02, 2010

I think my head might be about to explode

Rainbow Over StudioLife is Insanely Busy. My Poor Dog is just about At His Wit's End because he never gets Walks anymore. He's started Being Bad and Growly-Lunging at Other Dogs when we do go on Walks, and I don't know, maybe it's because I've been Neglecting him. Teaching has been taking up so much damn Time, and I'm tutoring again, which also takes up so much damn Time. I get horribly stressed out, which makes me Cranky, and then I get into Squabbles and Arguments. I haven't been Dancing in months and months, and this last Halloween might well have been the worst Halloween I've had in a long time... I barely got time to carve my Pumpkin, I didn't have time to create a costume, N came up at the last minute because she wasn't doing well after yet another crappy conversation with her Ex- (I just want to shake them both... Why keep traumatizing each other?!!), but since it was last-minute, it was inevitable that she picked my set-aside Work-Time.

So, my tutoring session went an hour longer than I had planned, and then there was N. She had promised that she would Work Quietly, as I told her I couldn't really provide her with much more than Work Solidarity and Company without having a big freakout. But I couldn't say No, though I wanted to... because I've never Forgiven the people who wouldn't let me spend the night with them when I was on the edge, and my sister has never Forgiven me for not letting her stay over when she was on the edge, and I won't risk another Cataclysmic Breakdown from my friend. So I said Yes, But. It doesn't matter though, because she Needed to Talk, and so I didn't get a Single Thing Done while she was here. We worked, but she Worked Out Loud, asking me questions and telling me about her lesson plans. We also tried to go over to a Friend's Potlatch for a short while because N was starving, but we got the Wrong Address, Wandered Around until Finding It, then there wasn't Much/Any Food, and then Herald caught his foot on a power cord, started pulling a computer or something off the table, and in the act of everyone lunging to rescue it, another friend knocked water all over a third friend's art photography slides. Fucking Catastrophe!

And then S snapped at Herald and me when I went to see if I could help, like it was Our Fault rather than an Accident. I'd Understand if Herald jumped up on the table or something, but he was on his leash, walking across the room to greet someone when It Happened. And he stayed on his leash, by my side afterward. I was so irritated with Everything and Everybody that I took N and Left (I Apologized later to the friend about her photography and offered to help pay to Restore Them if it was needed... I do feel crappy about that!). N and I grabbed a beer and burgers elsewhere, used up more Time (but she got to tell me about her Stupid Ex), and then tried to Work for a bit before watching the Thriller Dance hosted on the village greens. We got there late, so didn't get to See Very Well, and then N had to leave so we Left Early and I went to Work until 1 in the morning. I found it even more Irritating to get invites to come Dance later in the night... when I had such Daunting Piles before me. Anyhow.

On a related note, when I went out with S on Saturday, we went to the house of some new friends, ate and played a fun game that I'm going to use in my creative writing class next quarter. But S made this comment when somebody teased me about something that I was going to get hurt feelings and go blog about it. It somehow doesn't seem fair that she knows about this blog, gets to read it (when it's so damn personal), and frequently react to it, and so I don't usually post much about the two of us. And now she's commenting about it in public to other people who don't know about my blog because I don't tell people who live near me about my blog anymore. Interesting how blogs are, but I recommend never telling anyone you know about your blog unless you're willing to lose their friendship by saying something while in a cranky mood, or even more frequently, just randomly. I also recommend never telling anyone you know about your blog if you don't want the things you write on it to be thrown in your face.

This next weekend hopefully will Cheer Me Up. JW and I are hosting a Photography Show... one that collects work from all our local friends who were interested in participating. N will be coming back up, and this time I won't be working. Lemonade and red vines will be everywhere. Money will fall from the sky. And all my student papers will be busy commenting on themselves in my backpack at home. Not to mention, my novel/books will be writing themselves using the simple brilliance of my brain but not my Time. Heh.

P.S. Yes, I voted. And I'm still more liberal than the liberals! So, take that, Tea Party.
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