just a quick little note to say... wowo, I missed it so much here.

this morning I got up and sat by the stove and looked out the big windows facing on the bird feeders with the alger foothills in the background and bare tore-down limbs stretching between, and I drank coffee and thought and then talked with my mum who gives me a hug whenever I wander into the same room with her.

(she did get smashed last night, call me a shithead, and say, albeit in another context, that "my penis is caught in my zipper.")

I feel so arrogant and happy.

although yesterday on the extended airpline ride of near-sleepless senility, I stretched between broody, sulky and thoughtful because ss said something at our last meeting about no relationship, casual dating only, etc, that popped my pony partially because of the button phrases the conversation carried, partially because we've only known each other a short while, and partially because I am really into her. but having thought about how this is nearly the same conversation I had with a few different folks last year, only on the other side of things, I had to admit 'tis all fair, and something to either sink into or gently turn from.

this decided, I am now going to be, and by that I mean be here. I've been pining for the landscape and now I'm going to roll in it, yo.

today I went to the dentist and had that obnoxious little bar on the lower set of my teeth taken out - it's been fucking with my gums; no matter how much I brush or floss, some form of gingivitic warfare is occuring there, and the dentist agreed with me finally and sawed the little fucker out, which might mean crooked teeth coming up, but at least my teeth won't fall out. after that I went and got my expired DL renewed. the pic looks 10x better (someone recently called the old one a "prison break" picture) except I have a massive splotch (zit) near my mouth. we'll see how the final picture turns out because I just have the temporary black-white one to go on, but I wouldn't be surprised if this is a grinning acne pose. but you know what they say about DL's: they have a duty to uphold.

tonight I think I'm going to invite myself down to the sis/brolaw newspot and see their new kitties and the joint they've domesticated themselves into. I'll take a 12-pack of beer, get tossed, and pretend that I'm not going to be the penniless plebe of an older sister for rest of my life - the vagabond writeacher who doesn't even publish, yaddah yaddah.

my mum also noted in her inebriated state last night that my sister and I "were always competing with each other," and we both laughed because it isn't really true. it was nice to know we were laughing together because we both thought our mom was cracked on gin and not because we were nervously forstalling some kind of female penis-measuring moment. all I know is, I'm proud of her and who she is and all of the differences between us. but I'm also okay with myself, and although I sometimes simply worry about the future of my finances (and life in general), it's not in a competitive way.

anyhow, I'm off, but don't worry, I'll steal cr's camera soon and take pictures to supplement the fatty textual layers here and show just how winter-soggy and adorable Bville is.